This story begins with a young girl daydreaming and a naive prayer to the Lord. The prayer was a petition to the Lord on behalf of the future me. I simply asked if I could have three children before I was thirty years old. I look back at my teenage-self and I have to giggle. I mean let's be serious here, what on earth did I know about having children and why would I need three of them before I turned thirty?
|Our Carson at one year old, September 2001|
We begin to plan for another baby when our son was about two. Only this time, it wasn't so easy. I certainly wasn't expecting the difficulty we would endure to get pregnant a second time. How can I get pregnant so easily and unexpectedly the first time? The disappointment each month of discovering I was not pregnant was heartbreaking to say the least. I became completely infatuated with getting pregnant. I was obsessed with body temperatures, reading book after book, watching my cycle, hugging my legs, and eating the right things.
I did everything short of hanging by my toes from the ceiling. Why was this so difficult? The song by Frank Sinatra comes to mind, "I Did It My Way".
I was not trusting in God or His perfect timing. I never asked Him if it was time for another baby, I just assumed why not? Of course, I spent hours begging Him to give us another child and He's got buckets of my tears in heaven to prove it. My prayers were finally answered in the summer of 2002. I got pregnant.
The joy and happiness was amazing but, short lived. A few months later, on our wedding anniversary, that little life that I had begged for, went back to be with the Lord. We were devastated to say the least. I still feel the sting of losing that precious baby. My loving husband said something to me that has brought me comfort to this day, "Won't it be wonderful when we are in heaven and our little girl or boy will walk up to us?" How precious that thought is to me.
I struggled with the guilt of begging for a child that we were not prepared to have. The hurt I felt in knowing that I had stepped outside of God's plan and He still gave me the desire of my heart. At some point as I was mourning the loss of my baby that wasn't to be, God reminded me of my prayer from high school. I went from tears of sorrow to ridiculous laughter. I laughed at the innocence of such a prayer and resolved that it wasn't meant to be an answered prayer. I saw that it was God's way to bring me comfort but, I never imagined He had other motives behind that memory.
Almost a year later, the day before Easter, I take a pregnancy test, it is positive. God had taught me so much leading up to this day but, I still felt afraid, nervous, and humbled. By the 9th week into this pregnancy, I was extremely ill. I was certain we were going to have a repeat of the previous summer. I knew my heart could not take another loss.
My OBGYN wanted me to come in for some tests to discover the root of my overwhelming sickness. I will never forget that morning. The doctor asked me all of the usual questions about how I was feeling, we discussed my miscarriage, the possibility of the baby being a girl, we even joked about having twins. It isn't common to have an external ultrasound so early in a pregnancy but, I think she wanted to give me a peace of mind. I laid there on the table very nervous and a bit excited to see the baby so soon. Before I knew it, there it was, the baby's heartbeat. I was filled with joy as she told me the baby looked perfect. Then things took a turn. The doctor and I saw it at the same time, a tiny "blip" on the monitor. I was no pro with an ultrasound but, I knew it wasn't normal and was instantly regretting that Eric had not come to this appointment with me. My heart panicked. We made instant eye contact. She saw my concern and tried her best to calm this Mama down as she moved that wand all over my belly. Remain calm, breathe, the baby looked fine, I can hear the heartbeat. My eyes were playing a ping pong match from the monitor to the doctor to the ceiling back to the doctor, looking for any sign of distress. It felt like forever before the doctor spoke. She said, "Are you ready?"
Uh, yes? Well, I think I'm ready? What do you mean....ready for what?!? What is going on? What was that blip! I have to go to the bathroom. Is the baby okay? I should call Eric. Okay, tell me...
The next words that came from her mouth did not register with me.
"You have two babies in there."
I'm sorry, what did you say?
"You have two babies in there."
You are kidding right?
"Look, one heartbeat. Two heartbeats."
Have you ever seen a waterfall on a person? My eyes were flowing for the next 30 minutes. It slammed into my soul at what God had done. My doctor even began to cry. Let me say that twins do not run in my family. (Well, they do now.)
God did it HIS way.
Remember my prayer from high school? Exactly 37 days before my 30th birthday I had three beautiful, healthy children. That's right folks, three before thirty, God answered the prayers of a silly high school girl.
There are times when I pray for things I don't understand. Times when I pray through my tears, begging God to hear me. His answers are usually creative, sometimes unexpected but, they are always answered.
Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things,
which you do not know. Jeremiah 33:3