I had one of these goodbyes this morning. Mine was a tender and precious moment that I want to savor for a very long time. There were no tears or a speedy dropoff, just a simple departure. I walked up to the check-in for tennis camp, thinking my son would need me for something (even if it was just moral support). He signed himself in, gave me a glance that said "see ya later Mom", and off he went to tennis camp.
I turned and headed for my van but, something stopped me. I turned on my heel to watch him as he wandered into the tennis court, racket in one hand, grabbing a ball with the other. No one ran to greet him and he wasn't looking for anyone, yet he walked with a quiet confidence. I watched him as he headed over to the furthest tennis court to start practicing.
[Here's the part where I hope other Mom's can relate
to my "dropoff emotions"!]
As I stood there, I was instantly thrown into this private conversation between my heart and my brain...
Brain. He looks so cute out there. I'm glad he's enjoying it.
Heart. Why isn't anyone talking to him?
Brain. He's shy, he doesn't seek people out.
Heart. Oh my gosh, is he nervous? Afraid?
Brain. He just got on the court, you spaz!!!
Heart. What if he doesn't make any friends? These kids need to know how amazing my kid is!
As this conversation is going on in my head (literally seconds long), my sweet boy notices his Mama standing by the fence. This is my favorite part.... he looks at me for a second and then lifts his hand in a quick, cool wave and carries on with his tennis. Oh my heart. I don't know why but, this struck me as precious as pie. His wave said so many things to me... Mom, I'm alright, you can go. Mom, I love you and I'm not too cool to wave at you. Mom, thanks for watching, I see you.
As I drove home, I thought about how God is always standing and watching me with nothing but massive love. He waits patiently until I turn to Him. He never leaves and He never worries, He just watches. He's there when I need him. His heart fills with absolute joy when I turn and "wave" at Him. He. Loves. Me.